so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
