Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
