well you can't waste a boner
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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