i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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