she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
