My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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