Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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