I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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