Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
