You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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