heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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