i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
