I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
