man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
