As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
