remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
