well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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