Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
