Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
