You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
