i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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