does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
