Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
