I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
