Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
