Got a toothbrush?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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