I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
