The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
