Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
