I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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