first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
