So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
