Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My breasts were aching with rage.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
