on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
