I think I won the penis lottery.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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