I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
