Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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