my phone needs a breathalizer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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