When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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