I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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