Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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