it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
