He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
