oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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