There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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