Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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