i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
