I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
