I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
