I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
