Where did you get a picture of my penis
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im calling her cock vulture from now on
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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