He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
